Life of a Guy with Unpopular Opinions: Chick-fil-A
Previously on “Life of a Guy with Unpopular Opinions,” I argued that The Incredibles is overrated. Because that made me so admired and liked by the rest of the world, I’m back.
There’s no need to call me a “hero” or anything. “Superhero” sounds better. That being said, let’s jump right into my next unpopular opinion.
In Christian circles, the sanctity of Chick-fil-A is unquestionable… or is it? Anyone who argues for Chick-fil-A’s fast-food supremacy is forgetting a certain special wonderland where all dreams come true. A picturesque paradise that anyone can call home.
Yes, I’m talking about Arby’s.
Arby’s is better than Chick-fil-A. In fact, I would dare say that Arby’s is the best fast-food restaurant in history.
This is not going to end well for me, is it?
Defense #1: Arby’s has the meats. Not many fast-food chains boast the wide variety of options that Arby’s does. Chick-fil-A deals exclusively with chicken, and Wendy’s and Burger King specialize in burgers (duh), but this does not leave customers with many alternative options.
On the other hand, Arby’s lives up to its famous catchphrase, “We have the meats,” by indeed providing all “the meats.” It offers roast beef, chicken, turkey, ham, brisket, and even lamb!
Imagine you are a weary traveler who has spent the past year away from your home, doing nothing but walking on empty roads. After months of no human contact whatsoever, you finally discover a Chick-fil-A, where, at long last, you reunite with civilization. Having lived solely off berries and plants, you reach the front of the line in the lobby, exhausted, starving, and eager to devour a delicious roast beef sandwich… but, wait… the server tells you they don’t sell roast beef sandwiches. Your entire world comes crashing down, and you start to question reality itself.
You’d never experience that problem at Arby’s. Just saying.
Defense #2: Arby’s has the treats. Few things can beat the desserts that Arby’s has to offer. If perfection was edible, it would be an Arby’s milkshake, with the seasonal Orange Cream Shake being criminally refreshing. Meanwhile, the traditional Chocolate, Vanilla, and Jamocha flavors are equally enjoyable, and, as I write this now, I have vowed to one day try all three flavors at the same time. I may even add root beer to create the ultimate root beer float. Sometimes, my ingenuity astounds me.
And that’s not all. Does any other fast-food chain sell apple AND cherry turnovers? I don’t think so. Take that, Chick-fil-A.
We don’t talk about the Triple Chocolate Cookie. Even I recognize that it is not good.
However, we DO talk about the Salted Caramel & Chocolate Chip Cookie! What a joy. Salt and cookies sounds like a more unlikely combo than Ariana Grande and actual talent (I said what I said), but it works surprisingly well.
Defense #3: Arby’s has the… good fries to eat (not my best one). Arby’s may not be beloved by the masses, but if there’s one feature of it that most people enjoy, it’s the curly fries. There is something about these side snacks that contributes so wonderfully to the enjoyment of the meal and the entire Arby’s experience. I’m convinced that nothing in life can make you happier than a fresh, hot, crispy Arby’s curly fry.
Everybody needs to try one at least once in their lifetime. It’s simply a rule of nature.
Daring to proclaim the superiority of Arby’s over the so-called “Lord’s chicken” may leave me facing excommunication (maybe even exTommunication… yes, I’m hilarious), but I will continue to fight the good fight on behalf of the home of the Roast Beef Sandwich. The thing is, why would you go to Chick-fil-A when Arby’s is just so much better? Arby’s offers everything Chick-fil-A does, and then some. Therefore, it is the best. They say “heaven is a place on earth.” Such a place may not yet be found, but Arby’s comes pretty close.