Life of a Guy with Unpopular Opinions: “The Incredibles”

It’s not easy being right in a wrong world, but I do my best.

Anyone who knows me will claim that I have remarkably unpopular opinions. I take no small offense at this allegation, as I am quite fond of my opinions. Alas, it seems the rest of the world is not. Allow me to demonstrate:

“The Incredibles” is anything but incredible.

Before an angry mob comes after me and the news displays my picture with the tagline, “Maryland man declared insane for terrible taste in movies,” allow me to defend myself.

Defense of the Indefensible #1: The characters have no character. Trust me, I know all about bad writing. I write badly every other week for my YouTube channel (hit subscribe to join the Thomas Tribe & follow the Wilky Way). When the characters of a multimillion-dollar Pixar production start to feel as bland as someone featured in a multi-five-dollar Thomas Wilkinson YouTube video, something is seriously wrong.

Dash, to put it bluntly, is a bit of a brat! There, I said it. When 8-year-old me watched this movie, I didn’t sympathize with Dash at all. Instead, I sympathized with Bernie, that crazy teacher-guy with the head shaped like a UFO. Dash terrorizes poor Bernie every day at school, and he never really gets punished for this. His sole function is doing what he’s not supposed to do. Be better, Disney.

Meanwhile, Dash’s older sister, Violet, goes from being super shy around the boy she likes to being super confident. When does this transformation happen? One moment Violet’s very timid, the next she’s remarkably outgoing. I’m sure saving the world would be a confidence booster for just about anyone, but we never see a specific moment that causes Violet to change. It just kind of happens without acknowledgement, similarly to the sequel to Grease (yes, that exists), and I do not give it my Thomas Seal of Approval.

Mr. Incredible nearly kills his boss. I am not a fan of Mr. Incredible.

As for Mrs. Incredible, I honestly don’t remember much about her, which seems enough of an indictment already. While Dash is rather annoying, Violet’s arc is too sudden, and Mr. Incredible is… Mr. Incredible, Mrs. Incredible just feels rather bland. There’s nothing particularly compelling about her character and nothing that makes me want to root for her. Ultimately, she’s highly forgettable.

Defense of the Indefensible #2: The villain is criminally incompetent. Incompetence is also a subject in which I’m well versed, so it was easy for me to spot the ineptitude of the main villain in the film, Syndrome. This guy doesn’t do much on his own, does he? His entire evil plan revolves around him “defeating” the robot he creates to rise to fame so that he can ultimately turn everyone super (or something like that). This “ingenious” plan works… for about 10 seconds. Syndrome flies out to defeat the robot, punches it, starts celebrating, gets hit once by the robot, and is out of action, making him as ineffective as eating McDonald’s apple slices with a Big Mac. Stellar work, Syndrome.

Defense of the Indefensible #3: Honey? Where’s my humor? Just like Onward, bananas, and Jimmy Kimmel, “The Incredibles” is not that funny. I always expect Pixar films to be consistently humorous, and “The Incredibles” just isn’t. Sure, that one scene where Frozone can’t find his supersuit makes me laugh, but that’s it. The few other stabs at humor are weak at best. Now, I may be willing to concede this point for two reasons: (1) You could possibly make the argument that this is subjective, and (2) I thoroughly enjoy the entire Cars trilogy, so my views on humor might not be the most… credible.

Has this opinion gotten me in trouble before? Yes. Has it made me super unpopular? Absolutely. Do my parents now want to disown me? Quite possibly, but just like Lightning McQueen, the star of a vastly superior Pixar movie, I will not back down.

My opinions might not be internationally beloved, but neither are vegetables, yet we still need them. “The Incredibles” is a marvelously mediocre movie, and I will die on this hill. Surely someone out there is a fellow “Incredibles”-hater. One day, I will finally find that person.

I might have to wait a while.

I guess what I’m saying is… it’s not easy being right in a wrong world, but I do my best. And don’t even get me started on “The Princess Bride.”

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Thomas Wilkinson

Thomas Wilkinson is a staff writer for The Daily Runner.