25 Theses Against Christian College Stereotypes

On this very day 501 years ago in Wittenberg, Germany, a young monk named Martin Luther walked up to the Chapel doors and posted his 95 Theses, addressing abuses in the Roman Catholic Church at the time. This began a movement that shook world history forever and left the church permanently changed: the Protestant Reformation. Each year, Regent students commemorate this groundbreaking event by printing out Luther’s 95 Theses and posting the document on the Chapel doors. It’s honestly a stereotypical Christian college thing to do, and anyone who knows me also knows I hate stereotypes.

That being said, I would like to propose some Theses of my own. (If you don’t like them, write your own and post it on my door. We can party like it’s 1517.) Without further ado, here is Brandon Blevins’s 25 Theses Against Christian College Stereotypes:

1. When our founders began our beloved University, they did not intend an institution of higher education to become a dating site.
2. For this reason, all students should seek their bachelor’s degree before their MR. or MRS. degrees.
3. This, however, does not exclude the possibility of a relationship or even an engagement. If such should occur, all students should endeavor to betroth themselves to one another in the winter, summer, or fall. NEVER SPRING. (The author does recognize he was engaged last semester during the spring. Haven’t you ever met a hypocrite?)
4. It is necessary to maintain proper footwear at all times in the name of health. Therefore, walking these sacred grounds should not be done barefoot.
5. In addition to this, students will be pleased to know that some shoes even cover your feet completely!
6. For the sake of exercise, a good, hearty walk to class should always be smiled upon.
7. For the sake of the welfare of others, those on long boards should maintain vigilance.
8. For the sake of the lives of others, those on bikes should travel slowly and remain alert at all times.
9. Students should be aware that they are not fooling anyone. Just because you’re outside in a hammock does not mean it’s appropriate to cuddle uncomfortably with your significant other. Hammocks should be limited to one of the two sexes. (See theses 1-3.)
10. In the same vein, students should not feel obligated to own a hammock, though they are comfy. A rocking chair on the sidewalk should suffice for your fellowship time.
11. Our Lord and Savior is more than worthy of our worship. Students should worship fully in emotion and in intelligence.
12. This does not mean students are required to carry their guitar everywhere and begin spontaneous worship sessions in front of Robertson Hall. I’ve been late so many times because of you people. Like, I know I should be grateful. I know stopping to worship is a good thing. But guys, please, please, please, just let me go to class. I’m going to fail. (Sorry, this one got personal.)
13. There are worship artists other than Bethel, Hillsong, Elevation, and Jesus Culture. Check ‘em out.
14. There are events other than Chapel services. Check ‘em out.
15. Our good Lord put a great variety of drinks on this earth. Water, juice, soda, tea, milkshakes, etc. It is not required that you only drink coffee.
16. In America, Christians have been blessed to have the Word of God in their language. They have even been blessed to have several different translations.
17. Students, take notice of the previous article. Several different translations. Good news! The ESV isn’t the only one! (Those who know me will know that I almost exclusively use the ESV. I may not be a trustworthy source.)
18. Good circulation does the brain well. One may be surprised to find how such little things dramatically improve their ability to succeed.
19. Thus, one should keep this in mind when deciding which pants to wear day-to-day.
20. Social media is a powerful tool in bringing the student body together. Making plans and maintaining contact with friends long-graduated very well justifies its existence.
21. Though such be the case, not every post must end with #blessed.
22. Proverbs 27:17 states “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” This is often used to reference mutual encouragement and correction.
23. This does not mean we have to stab each other with the iron we’ve sharpened. Avoid anger over theology and politics.
24. It is okay to limit the use of the word “season” to winter, spring, summer, and fall.
25. It is also okay to be the person that God created you to be. You don’t have to fit the mold of the University, or even the mold laid out in this theses. Be what you have been created to be.

Brandon Blevins is a contributor to the Daily Runner.