How to find the “One”

In honor of Valentine’s Day, distance graduate student Akosua gives us tips for finding the “One.”

Dating the right person is key in choosing the right person and to a successful marriage. When you are in your twenties, and you are serious about marriage, you are usually eager to discover if the person you are dating is the right one. This question should be asked even before a decision as to who to date is made. This will save you heartache. However, if you are already in a relationship, these seven tips will help you determine if you are dating the right person.

But before we begin, it is important to prepare a list of qualities. This is the very first step. Before you meet the right person, have a list as to what character you would like to see in the person. Do you want the person to have integrity? Do you want to be able to hold a conversation with the person? Do you want someone who values sexual purity? Do you want the person to prove to be a faithful friend? As a Christian, one of the key things on your list should be the fact that he or she is a believer. Write all of these down. You can gather about ten. Having this list will help you to look for and see those traits when the right person appears. You are likely to ignore the wrong people, while not missing the right person.

  1. Believer – As Christians, this point cannot be overemphasized. 2 Corinthians 6:14 (NIV) says, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” You want someone you can pray with, someone you can go to church with, someone with whom you can go to Christian concerts, someone with whom you can grow in your relationship with Christ. These things are important. It strengthens a relationship, in particular a marriage. The best thing you want is someone who agrees with you when it comes to what decisions to make in relation to finances, church attendance, and serving in church.
  2. The Connection – When you meet this person, you should connect upon first encounter. This is a good sign. You should genuinely be friends. You should truly want to know each other. It’s important to have common interests, such as the same books or types of books. Also, you should both be ready for marriage! Having this goal together is key because then you save yourselves heartache and instead enter the relationship seriously. You should both enjoy meeting and hanging out at a place you both like. The right person will have the same values and connect with your principles: They want the things you want. Also, you are intellectually and spiritually on the same level.
  3. Constant Communication – Constant communication, via phone or text, is important to nurturing a relationship. If the relationship is long distance, it is even more important. The right person should be willing to do this. It is another way of communicating to you that they want to know you. It also communicates love and a willingness to share their life with you.
  4. Keeping it Pure – The right person will pursue sexual purity with you. He or she will want you to keep the relationship pure so that it honors God. This means not pushing boundaries and respecting the other person’s convictions when it comes to sexual purity.
  5. Integrity, Trustworthiness and Faithfulness – This person must be a person of integrity. When he says they will do something, he does it. You want someone who when she says, “I do” at the altar, she will. You can trust that. They must be honest. They must also be faithful. He must be dating only you during the dating time.
  6. Shows Love – This person must show love. Apart from showing love through constant communication, they must also show love to you in other ways. Best-selling author, Dr. Gary Chapman, says there are five love languages that can be communicated through our relationships. People can show love through spending quality time with each other, giving gifts, performing acts of service, speaking words of affirmation, and physical touch. Acts of service include helping out with cooking; words of affirmation can be affirming why you care about them or verbally acknowledging who they are; and physical touch includes hugs. Each individual has a love language, and when the right person shows any of these acts of love, it should be acknowledged as a love language.
  7. Physical Attraction – I know Christianity focuses on the inward character more than the outward. However, the physical must not be ignored. The Bible also mentions how David was good-looking, and how the daughters of Job were beautiful. The person you would spend the rest of your life with should be someone you find physically attractive. It should be someone you find beautiful or handsome. You should physically be attracted to the person because you want someone you will be admiring not only in terms of qualities, but also physically, all the days of your life.

If the person meets most of these, you are sure to have the confidence that you are making the right decision. You can be certain to date successfully, and eventually live happily ever after with the man or woman of your dreams! Happy choosing, happy dating!



Akosua Asare-Frempong is a contributor to the Daily Runner.