Single Life as the ‘Posh Miss’

At the beginning of the year, a young woman nicknamed the “Posh Miss” set out on an experiment. For her experiment, she promised to abstain from dating for a year, adhere to the counsel of 7 male friends and blog her findings. It is now April, and the project is still going strong. The following is an interview with the “Posh Miss” of the Dating Experiment.

For those who are not already aware of your project, would you mind describing – who exactly is “The Posh Miss” and what inspired you to start this project? Well, I started this journey at the end of a personally challenging year, relationship wise, and I realized that I wasn’t alone in my struggles. Relationships and navigating them as a young adult can be tough. Typically we receive information from the wrong sources, and if we aren’t careful we find ourselves playing an old game, dating to get married, with new rules – and losing.

You have been committed to this project since January, four months. How has it gone? What have you learned about yourself so far? I can’t even begin to list the things that I have learned because I have learned so much already. In fact, my team is working now on creating some new outlets for me to share all of the new things I learn, practically daily. However my top three lessons have to be:

a. The Bible says to love others as you love yourself. However, if you don’t fully LOVE yourself you can never understand how to love others.

b. Communication, communication, communication! It amazes me that schools do not teach communication in friendships and relationships. Wars have started due to issues with communication. I have studied my communication style in order to help others understand how to communicate with me and how to better communicate with others.

c. The last lesson that I will share is that God has one person for me. I don’t need to worry about what the statistics say, but I just need to work on being the best me that I can be and he will send me the perfect imperfect person for me.

What has this project taught you about your past failed relationships? I don’t think I have enough space to tell you that story but I can tell you this, I am a more mature, logical woman today. I have learned the importance of emotional intelligence. As women we truly are emotional beings and being able to control those emotions will keep us from being emotionally hijacked. I honestly feel that if women can learn to manage their emotions, we will be better friends, girlfriends, coworkers, wives, and so on. Yes, embrace your emotional side, but know when it needs to be controlled as well.

What are the biggest misconceptions of dating that you have learned since starting this project? Like I said before, a lot of us receive information from the wrong sources. Most people don’t yet actually know what they don’t know. If I had to generalize though I would say the biggest misconception about dating out there now is that men are comfortable with approaching women. I have actually learned that men get turned down so much that there is actually a fear they have when approaching women. Women have taken their independence and start approaching men. I do not agree with that theory, however I do believe women need to learn to smile and be friendly. Every guy who speaks is not trying to get something from you. He honestly might be trying to see how your day is going or he might be trying to tell you that you have something on your shoe. It is just important to understand that men have feelings and fear rejection, just as women do. So, be respectful because you never know who your audience may be.

Are there any old dating habits that you have found hard to let go? Well let’s get this out early. I am very old school when it comes to dating. In fact, I don’t want to date. I want to be courted. So for me personally there are some things that I refuse to let go of. If you follow the blog you already know that my best friend, Mr. BF, and I have the big divide over a man paying for a woman. He is one of my “boy-friends”, and oldest male friends, and his stance on paying for meals, being chivalrous and such in 2010 are sometimes different from my own. I won’t give up on my beliefs though. I know that what I want isn’t outrageous and the one man God designed for me will be able to meet the standards that are important and vital for me.

Now, you have 7 men counseling you during this project. Is it ever difficult to hear their advice, take their criticism? I actually only have 6 men, my 7^th man is God J. It actually is easy to take the advice of the boy-friends because they typically don’t just offer their advice and flee the scene. The guys tell me their thoughts and we go back-and-forth on the issues. So for example, when Mr. BF and I disagree we do so in a manner where I hear his point out and he hears my point out and eventually we just agree to disagree. The important part is that none of these men have ever had a romantic relationship with me, so their advice is coming for an honest place of wanting to help me grow and develop.

Out of these 7 guys, do you listen to any one of them more than the others? And why?Well by default I listen to Mr. BF more, but that is because he is the man that blogs every Friday. Regardless of the topic he writes a brief essay and offers his tip of the week. The other 5 guys rotate weeks based on the topic, their area of expertise or interest. Also if I’m honest I probably listen to Mr. Faith a little more too. This is because he and I have a spiritually supportive relationship and I know everything he offers is biblically based.

People who know you – what do they think of your project? Do they support you? The support of family, friends and even strangers has been overwhelming amazing! I can’t say enough about this point. I have traveled to visit family and people have asked for my autograph, the blog has been mentioned by disc jockeys in NY and of course I have spoke with you twice now. No matter how we try and avoid the issue, relationships matter to people. Everything we do is about relationships – business, families, politics it all comes back to relationships. And for women specifically the relationship that most of us invest a lot of energy into is the relationship we have with men. So the support for my honesty is there because people want the answers for themselves as well.

What has been the best thing about being the Posh Miss? Well it’s early but so far, just knowing that people are really reading, and hopefully learning to have healthier relationships. I know that I have a desire to be happily and blissful married and so do many others. The reality however is that most people have never witnessed a blissful marriage so sharing my learning with others is very rewarding.

How hard is it to live the Posh Life? Right now it isn’t too much of a sacrifice, but the trouble will begin when I meet a man that I’m interested in dating. Once I meet someone that causes me to return to the dating world I will have to keep open dialogue with my readers and blog about the whole thing. I can imagine that it will be a sacrifice for both myself and the “lucky” guy J. I challenge every woman to live the Posh Life, if but for a little while. It truly is a rewarding experience.

Have you ever found it difficult to share your every dating blunder to the online world? Actually I haven’t had trouble sharing my stories, but like I said before the possibility of dating under the guidance under the boy-friends and with the ever watchful eye of my readers may be a difficult experience. I have come to realize that you can’t grow if you hold it all in. We all go through things to share with others, so that we can learn from each other’s experiences. I am an open book and I think that is causing others on the blog to freely talk about their lives as well.

Can you compare how the old you and the Posh you would react to a bad dating scenario (i.e. forgot his wallet, hits on the waitress, belittles you)? I like this question, because it causes me to think about my growth under a real-life scenario. The truth is that I have had the issue of a man “forgetting his wallet” where he didn’t really forget his wallet, but expected me to pay for him. In that scenario I just bit the bullet and purchased his movie ticket, however there wasn’t another date. NOW if that happened, I would politely say to the individual that if he wants to continue a friendship with me then him leaving his wallet is fine and here is a loan, lol. However, if he wants to continue a romantic relationship with me, I advise him to get in the car and drive back home to get his wallet. Hits on the waitress, belittles me? People do make mistakes, but you have to understand the difference between a mistake and a character flaw. Based on that I will make the decision to either set my expectations or tell him that he will make a great friend.

So let’s fast forward to next year – what do you expect or want to come out of this project? Have your expectations for this project changed at all since you started?I am so excited about 2010, but I am thrilled for 2011. This is the honest truth because I have 3 friends helping me to steer the direction of this project, and the 4 of us have big plans for next year. As an example, we are planning right now for a ski trip next winter. The trip will be for both singles and couples who want to gather for fun but also education – we are calling it an edu-tainment trip. We want to really gather young people who are interested in being their best selves all around, regardless of their marital status. And in reality this project hasn’t changed really, it has just expanded to include great special events and lifestyle products.

What would you say to a young woman considering becoming a Posh Miss? I would say emphatically “don’t wait, do it today!” The reality is that I could have benefited from having someone a few years older showing me the ropes around loving myself, and making wise decisions when I started to date. There is never a shortage of young girls needing guidance, but there aren’t always positive role models for those girls to follow. And I will never profess to perfection, but I do my best to offer an alternative to the images of womanhood portrayed in the media.